Here are a few disconnected thoughts about the current cricketing scene
Commentary
PA: “10, 9, 8, 7 – whoops, what comes next?”
‘Commentator’s curse’ – this phrase should be banned. Result: silence reigns
“She’s a world-class player” – out next ball
“She’s a world-class player” – takes a wicket next ball. “There, what did I tell you?”
Graph stat: amount of swing – “2.1”. 2.1 whats?
“Just what we were saying a moment ago” – “What did I tell you?” – “You talked about swing!“ (as the bails go flying) = ways of ensuring a contract extension
“Why doesn’t she bowl ten straight off?” – they keep on asking this, then the captain proves how wrong they were
‘A drag-down’ = short delivery
‘Third’ = third man
‘Boundary’ aka ‘sponge’, ‘Toblerone’, ‘rope’, ‘edge’
‘Boundary rider’ = sweeper = deep fielder
“She’s a great fielder” = she’s just dropped a sitter
‘Long levers’ = long arms, long legs (but not long-leg)
“Not the best five” = she went for 22 runs
“A little bit wide” = very wide, into the next county
“Great to hear from Charlotte Edwards” – to explain why her team sits winless at the bottom of the table? Edwards won’t mind. In the Welsh Fire-Southern Brave match there were four Kent players, the county she graced and captained for decades. She played with the opposing captain, Tammy Beaumont.
“D’you know what?” – no, do tell me
“Tilly Corteen-Coleman; we know her as TCC”. But I know her as MCC, a far more apposite choice of initials.
“The cover region” = cover; “the gully region” = gully
“That’s the end of her five. Whoops, she’s got one left. I can’t count” – don’t worry, chum, I can’t either
“The keeper should have stopped that one” – would Alan Knott have got anywhere near it?
“Don’t go anywhere!” – Now you’ve put the thought in my head, I think I’ll go for a round of mini-golf
“The fellas are in the house” – quiet reminder there’s another game on. Cameras linger on the fellas, instead of concentrating on the match in progress
“Let’s ask Broady” – the way the English captain always did, especially for bowling reviews
“23-2” = ad break
“66-5” = ad break
“101-9” = ad break
Should we expect the (female) commentators to recognise all the players? Natalie Germanos certainly can’t. She tells us plenty about the star players, especially the Boks, as you would expect, but completely ignores the less familiar British players whom she hasn’t bothered to check on (Slater, Monaghan, Macdonald-Gay, Smale x 2, Gardner, Davis, Franklin…)
As for the male commentators, only a select few do proper research on the female players.
Non-Commentary Points
Can you remember all the names the various franchises have gained and lost since the start of the KSL? Is it Lancashire Thunder or Thunder or North-West Thunder? Yorkshire Diamonds or Lightning or Pudding? – see the game below. Don’t worry if you get low marks. It all changes next year.
Trade Descriptions Act 1968: how many Welsh Fire players need to be Welsh? By my reckoning it’s one, Alex Griffiths, but at the time of writing she hasn’t appeared once in The Hundred.
Top contracts = star-players Lanning; Mandhana out first ball! And who are English players excluded in their favour?
How many more people came to watch the Welsh Fire v Southern Invincibles because Mandhana was due to play?
Bouchier had to forsake her opening position to make way for Mandhana. Bouchier fell to the first ball Beth Langston bowled. You can check their relative share prices on the stock market
POWERPLAY = end of Powerplay
The mobile cartoon characters are obese. Is that deliberate, or an unfortunate accident? Anyway, I’m for Tom & Jerry
If captains refuse to set a slip, they can’t complain about edges going for four. And they do, all too often
The helm-cam saves you the expense of booking a cruise in the Bay of Biscay
Hayley Matthews takes 15 balls to get off the mark (the longest ever in the 100). Out next ball.
“Oh yeah” = a six. Possible variants: Oh yea! Oh yup! Oh yes! Oh yuss?
A game to play during the ad breaks (no points mean no prizes)
Pair off any of these team titles:
Birmingham
Blaze
Brave
Central
Diamonds
Fire
Invincibles
Lancashire
Lightning
London
Loughborough
Manchester
Northern
Originals
Oval
Phoenix
Storm
South East
Southern
Sparks
Spirit
Surrey
Thunder
Vipers
Western
Yorkshire
Btw, I can’t do it either!
